We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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