i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
And the cops told us we were all naked.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
