Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I think I sprained my soul last night
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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