A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
