very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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