nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
