you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
That accounts for only three of the penises
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize