You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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