I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize