A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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