I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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