I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Houston, we have a blender
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
