So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
