thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
