Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
