We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
