Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
