her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
