I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
