im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
