I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so that wasnt chicken after all
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
