you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
