It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
