We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My cat gives me a boner
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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