Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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