so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
