you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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