I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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