Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
