I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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