I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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