if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
