Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
