nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
