dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
...so i touched it.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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