Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
