): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i think i have two assholes
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
