we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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