a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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