i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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