She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
