Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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