I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
