Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
