Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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