Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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