And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
