It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
