I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
