I heard we made out
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you win again, gameday.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
