Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
