I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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