Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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