I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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