If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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