Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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