My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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