I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
