dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
