I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
