alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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