Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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