btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
