I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
