After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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