I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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