ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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