Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
