Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"

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(615): View more from Tennessee

everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent

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(313): View more from Michigan

remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...

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(708): View more from Illinois

Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?

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(941): View more from Florida

I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.

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(512): View more from Texas

If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1

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