Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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