how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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